If you ever happen to be rescued by a lifeguard, you should know that there is a big difference between what he/she says and what he/she means…

Says: Please try to kick.
Means: If you don’t kick, we’re both going to drown out here.

Says: You’ll be alright. You’ll be on land in just a minute.
Means: I’ll be alright. I’ll be back on land in just a minute.

Says: How long have you been in the water?
Means: I’m making some small talk so I can catch my breath before I tow you to shore.

Says: Grab the tube (the tube is the red floaty thingy).
Means: Dude, if you don’t grab the tube…

There is also the instance of being talked to even if you aren’t about to drown…

Says: Oh, you aren’t about to drown?
Means: It was getting pretty hot up there in the sun.

Says: Stop running!
Means: Lifeguarding has its off-hours privilages that I’m not about to give up.

And you know that some guards are just dying to see what happens if you break the rules…

Rule: One person at a time on the diving board.
Guard: This is better than WWF Wrestling!

Rule: Bathing Load ___ Persons.
Guard: I like crowd surfing.

Rule: You must be — inches tall to go down slide.
Guard: That kid just broke a luge record!

So now you know the flipside to a lifeguard’s words…