Tomorrow is the Lifeguard Olympics. It’s like the Olympics, only the teams aren’t from foreign countries with funny accents and we don’t do any of the events that are in the Olympics. We do things with 10 pound bricks and rescue tubes.

Look, I’m not crazy. San Diego is having some too. But their’s is expensive and highly organized and it’s their first time. Pansies. We don’t need organization; we’re competing in the ghetto. And, it’s not our first time. We have plastic trophies to prove that one.

So wish me luck, and more on this later (maybe).