Today’s swim practice was the swim practice without an end. We swam forever. And ever. And ever.* And in between sets we talked about how long practice was taking to end. It sure took it’s time.

So supposedly you can tell what time it is by the position of the sun. Supposedly. But what if the sun stands still? Wha’ now, foo’?** Well the sun stood still. It didn’t move for the whole dang practice. I swam a lot of backstroke to check if the sun moved at all. It didn’t, and all I got was a bad tan line from my swim cap. So much for that idea.

Then we started watching the pace clock. The pace clock stopped moving.*** You think I’m making this up? Well I’m not, foo’! It literally stopped; ask my coach. So then we looked around at each other and knew we were in deep trouble. Deep as the water in the diving well kind of deep. And that’s pretty deep. So we got some extra rest, because you can’t swim an interval set without a pace clock, and the coach was busy kicking the pace clock saying, “Hm, I wonder why it stopped…maybe I just need to kick it some more.” But we were smarter than that and knew**** that time was standing still and that we were in for the longest practice of our lives.

Finally my coach said, “Well, you’ve swam every thing there is to swim. We’ve done everything that I can think of to do, and we still have 33 more minutes of practice.” But we were smarter than that. We knew that we had already been swimming for forever, and now we were done, re-gahd-less*****. So I said, “It’s high time that I get out of the pool, change into some clothes, and head on my merry way.” Then everyone else said, “Word******.”

And that is how I defeated Time’s evil plot to destroy the world. Or maybe it was supposed to be an April Fool’s Day joke, but Time didn’t realize that it was the wrong time to do that.

*And ever.

**Living in a gangsta ghetto calls for gangsta ghetto dialect.

***The minute hand stood still on the 27 and the second hand stopped on the 21.

****We knew it, by Jove!

*****Living this close to the Mexican Border calls for a Mexican accent.

******It’s Eubonics.

Director: David R. Ellis
Starring: Kim Bassinger, Chris Evans

Cellular is an action-crime-drama-thriller that is pretty predictable. But even though you can guess the ending, there are some key points that force you to keep watching until the end. Such as, “What do the bad guys want from Jessica [the kidnapped lady]?”

So this guy (Ryan) gets a call on his phone from a lady (Jessica) who says she’s been kidnapped. She begs him not to hang up; he thinks she’s crazy. At any rate, he doesn’t hang up. The movie basically follows Ryan around L.A. as Jessica directs him to keep her kid safe and help her husband from ending up like her.

There are some pretty good action scenes. Ryan does an okay job of acting. Jessica seems like she’s trying to hard to sound convincing.

The Bottom Line: A great group movie. Rent it if you want something that everyone can enjoy.