This high school swimming season we’ve had a stroke judge at our home meets. This is a little abnormal for us, considering we haven’t had a stroke judge for the past couple years. No one knows anything about this man except that he is narcoleptic, and he used to be the principal of the high school.

Having a stroke judge is usually a good thing, because it stops people from cheating on starts and turns (and etc). Having a narcoleptic stroke judge is a different matter altogether.

Not only did he randomly fall asleep, but when he was awake the only thing he did was threaten to disqualify swimmers based on how close their team mates stood to the edge of the pool.

When I was counting someone’s 500, Antonio volunteered to replace me half-way through (I had to race immediately afterwards). The stroke judge hobbled over (he uses a cane) and started hitting Antonio with his cane.

Antonio: [winces a little] Yes?

Judge: Young man, if you don’t want your team mate to be disqualified, I suggest you go stand somewhere else.

A: But I’m replacing Alisa so that she can go get ready for her race.

J: He who starts the counting must finish the counting.

A: Whaa?

J: How long have you been swimming?

A: Uh, about two years or so…

J: Then you should know better. Get along.

Poor Antonio was by now very upset. I told him to go tell Coach Jack. Jack’s response?

“Don’t worry about it. Look, he’s asleep again! This means that you can start your leg of the relay a little early.”