Last night I slept outside on the balcony. When I woke up there was a praying mantis by my head, just watching me. I brought her inside and searched around for an adequate cage. Everything was either way to big or way to small, so I just decided to put her on my bamboo plant.

“Poor mantis. You should let her be free.”

“Be free? She is free! She’s loose in the house.”

“She wants to be in the wild.”

“Are you kidding me? She’s having the time of her life. Bamboo to a mantis is like a luxury suite to humans.”

“How do you know?”

“Because all the normal looking manteses want to look like their Asain cousins. The Asain cousin lives in the mantis version of Beverly Hills.”

“Sure.”

“There are perks to living with me. Not only does she have a house that is the perfect shade of green, has the perfect amount of moisture (it’s water bamboo), and allows her to be like a mantis movie star, but she also gets food hand delivered to her.”

“I guess that is pretty good.”

“I think she’s expecting. So basically she’s one of those movie stars that rents out 7 private suites just to have a baby (or two, or three hundred).”

She must really like it on that bamboo because the only time she’s moved is to eat a moth.

Today in my biology class we were testing our blood to see what our blood types are. Well, most people were testing their blood types, anyways.

One girl stuck herself in her finger, squeezed out the three drops needed, then decided that she was going to faint. I could see her from across the room turning pale.

“Nancy, come with me. Let’s go.”

“I’m seeing black spots….ugh I feel like puking.”

I took her to the bathroom were she spit up some stomach fluid.

“I’m so cold…and dizzy”

“You’re cold because you’re going into shock. That means your blood is all in the middle of your body.”

I made her lie down on the floor while I propped her feet up. After about ten minutes she started feeling better and told me that I could go. I told her that if I left she could sue me. Then I got a sinking feeling that this lifeguarding stuff will never go away. Stupid second nature.