The other day when I took a friend to the airport, I realized that there is a serious flaw in the security system. I made a crude computer drawing so that you can have some sort of an idea when I describe my plan to blow up a plane.

Terminal 2 at Sky Harbor International Airport is not a high traffic area. It flies out mainly Continental and United Airlines, along with a couple others. Because it is not an area of significant interest, there has not been a lot of money spent on security (this will become obvious in a minute).

When a passenger goes to board a flight, they leave the ‘Waiting Area’, walk past the ‘Wall of Serious Flaw’, and weave their way into the ‘Security Threat Detection Area’. Non-passengers are not allowed to approach or go past the ‘Security Threat Detection Area’. They may, however, stand and watch passengers through a glass wall (represented as a solid black line south-east of the ‘Wall of Serious Flaw’).

From what I understand, once passengers are cleared in the ‘Security Threat Detection Area’, they may board their flight without any further in-depth checking. This is where the plan comes into play.

The ‘Wall of Serious Flaw’ is made up of stand-alone panels that look like extra tall cubicle walls. You know the stuff–carpeted, metal rim around the edge, feet support at the base. These types of walls are used a lot in public schools. Because they are stand-alone, they need base support. The corners at the bottom of the base are not squared off; they curve upward to make room for the feet. Although each panel is placed close together and you can not see through them, there is a hole about the diameter of an 8 oz. soda bottle at the base of each wall joint.

As you all know, liquids are banned on flights nowadays because some people tried to make an explosive out of them. Well how easy would it be for an adult passenger to “drop” his bag on one side of the wall, and a child to be playing on the other side? No one would think twice about a child sticking his hand through the hole, and no one would think twice about an adult picking up spilled belongings. Anything could slip through the hole, and it would go unnoticed.

Of course, one soda bottle full of explosives would not be enough to blow up a plane. But multiple soda bottles would. There are only 2 security guards working at a time during the off-season (I’m not sure if there are more metal detectors or not, but for the majority of the year there are only 2) in Terminal 2. Once the break rotation is figured out, you could have an “accident” every break change. I’m guessing they rotate every other worker (not both at once), but this is not a problem. You just can’t have the same guard notice two “accidents” in less than 6 hours. It would be okay every 7 hours though, because the odds are more likely.

So if you start feeding the potential martyrs through at say, 9am, for a 10pm flight, it would give you plenty of time to feed at least 4 other people through for the same flight. For the earlier passengers, I would recommend buying 2 tickets: one for an early flight, and one for the 10pm flight. This would remove suspicion because checking in for a flight 13 hours early is a little suspicious.

So my friends, as you can see, little details like these are why terrorism can never be stopped in America.

Cheers!

Today I went to this Apple store. The sales people were nice and talkative. It was a good retreat from other places in the mall. I feel at home with other nerds. I talked with one sales guy for an hour and I learned a lot about him. One time while he was in California his brother downloaded a movie from a p2p network onto his computer and when he got home there were cops waiting for him at his house. It was going to cost him a $500,000 fine, but he explained to the judge what had happened and the judge let him off with a lot of community service time and a 3-month ban from the internet. He said that sucked because it was right around term paper time.

As he was talking to me I was stealing music from Apple. You know how you can play with computers at all the Apple stores? And you know how they have internet access on those computers? I opened up my Gmail, created a message and attached some music files, saved the message as a draft, then when I got home I downloaded all of the songs. You would think that they would have the music password protected…but they don’t.

An alternative and quicker version of this would be to just take out your ipod and put it on the dock that they have in front of each computer, then transfer the files right over. I wasn’t that bold though. Plus, I wanted the songs on my computer.

Jimi Hendrix - Who Knows

Many moons ago, me and my friend Andrewlini hatched a plan to take over the world. We thought about starting with Canada. But then we realized that we need to start somewhat smaller. Plus, those canucks have hockey sticks and they aren’t afraid to use them. We Arizonians know nothing about hockey, or ice, or anything that has to do with cold.

So then we thought to take over Montana. If you think about it, there’s really nothing there but a bunch of mooses*. The only problem about taking over Montana is that the Mooses could revolt, and everyone knows that a revolting moose is one of the worse things that you could possibly come across.

Now, either as a gesture of good will, a plot to take over Arizona, or a random act of kindness, a certain person who refers to himself as _mase sent me Seinfeld Seasons 1 & 2. Maybe he is the spokes person for the Mooses and they want to make it known that they are friendly and not planning a revolt. Maybe it is part of the Mooses plot to take over Arizona and this is just a small piece of a huge puzzle. Or maybe _mase is just an extrememly nice person. Whatever the case may be, I was thrilled to open a package right as I was buried in math equations**. Thank you, very much.

I asked Andrewlini for permission to make our plot known to the world. I was feeling bad for planning the destruction of Montana after one of its residents sent me a lovely gift.

Andrewlini said, “Alitler (that’s me), that is kind of scary. I abandon the plot and you are free to make it known to the general public. This is a bad sign already. Why don’t we just take over a different place where we won’t have to worry about Mooses revolting, or people sending us nice things?”

I said, “Andrewlini, you’re extrememly right. Let’s concentrate our efforts on Rhode Island.”

*Yeah, I know that it’s spelled incorrectly. It’s supposed to be for added humor.
**I was most deffinately buried. Two text books, a stack of paper, two folders, and a binder surrounded me. Where was my calculator, I haven’t the slightest idea.

Radiohead - Karma Police

Q:You know what would be a good band name?

A: Epidemic

I need to remember that. Bands need a good name. I sometimes wonder howcome U2 got to be such a popular band. They are sappy and annoying, and what kind of name is U2? Their lead singer’s name is Bono. U2, Bono, Stupedest Name Ever… Now for the question.

Yup see there’s “Bono” with the Ancient Egyptians.

And there he is with Martin Luther King Jr.

And there he is with Al Gore and Bill Clinton.

His theory is a good theory. But influenza has been around for forever and it’s never been popular. Another theory is the theory of Propoganda. I bet they pass out fliers at their concerts that look like this: