The other day I was on campus, in between activities, and I watched groups of parents with their kids wandering around with lost looks in their eyes.  They were holding the characteristic red orientation packets that scream, “I’m probably lost and confused right now!”  Moms were holding maps upside down and backwards, pointing at buildings and screwing their eyes.  Dads were standing in the middle of the roadways, blocking bicycle traffic.  Girls were trying to fit into the college crowd, combing their hair with their fingers and looking around nervously.  They were wearing nice clothes and designer flip flops.  They failed miserably at fitting in.

See, at this point, with only 11 real class days left in the fall semester, we college kids are in survival mode.  Last week I pulled two all-nighters.  Seven page paper due tomorrow?  No problem…just lemme run to Starbucks first.  I’ve seen more bloodshot eyes in the past few days than I have ever seen in my life.

“Why is your shirt all wrinkly…and smelly?”

“I wore it yesterday, and I slept in it last night, and it was the first thing I saw this morning so….”

“Yeah,  I know what you mean.”

I am in survival mode until the end of the semester.  I can sleep at any time, in any situation.  I will eat things that are total crap, just because I’m not sure when I’ll have time to eat next.  My drink of choice is caffeinated tea.  I feel like a character in a first-person shooter game whose mission is to survive under fire for 10 minutes; I know it’ll be over soon, I’ve just got to make it there.

Registering for next semester’s classes is both exciting and nerve wracking. Students are assigned a certain time period for registration. This time is based on class standing and student ID number. Some classes must be registered through an academic advisor (as in the case of art classes which are protected by the School of Art soldiers), but most classes are up for grabs.

Before registration opens, you have to check a website that lists all of the classes offered, when they are scheduled to meet, and how many seats are still open. Scheduling takes an immense amount of planning; just because a class fits perfectly into your major’s requirements and time schedule does not mean that it still has open seats.

This time I had it easy–three of my five classes are art classes (so an advisor registered for me), one is a freshman English class (I have sophomore standing so I get to register a week before the freshmen), and the other is a psychology class that had a lot of space still.

Ivvette, my roommate, didn’t have such an easy time. The following is an actual account of what happened on Sunday, October 28, 2007.

12:45pm
Ivvette: We need fight music.

Alisa: Fight music…Eye of the Tiger. Check. Is your math class still open?

I: Eight seats.

A: Alright. English?

I: Fifteen seats.

A: Good. Chem?

I: One-hundred ten seats.

A: Okay. Philosophy?

I: Twenty-two seats.

A: Are you logged in on at least three browser windows?

I: Yep. Are you?

A: Yep. [I logged in under her ID to increase the chances of her getting the classes that she needs.]

12:50pm
Ivvette: Aliiiisaaa? What does a registration hold mean?

Alisa: Are you kidding me? Ten minutes until registration opens and you’ve got a hold?

I: It says that I need to meet with my advisor. I met with her already! I did it!

A: Hm…

I: I’m freaking out! I have to get these classes! I’ll email her.

A: It’s a Sunday. She won’t check her email.

I: I have to do something!

A: Do you have her phone number?

I: Only her office phone….

A: I’m on it.

12:55pm
Alisa: Alright, there are three people with her name in Tucson. Go down the list.

Ivvette: Okay…. [Dials and whispers, "It's her!"]

12:57pm
A: I can’t believe you just called your advisor on her home phone.

I: Hey, I can register now! How many seats are left in my math class?

A: Four.

I: Four?!

1:00pm
Alisa: Yay! It’s open! It’s like when the ball drops on New Year’s!

Ivvette: You get my math class, I’ll grab English.

A: Lecture 24 is full! Plan B?

I: Plan B! Plan B! Aahh! Two seats left in English!

A: Okay you’re in Lecture 26. I’ll get philosophy.

I: Philosophy lecture 5 won’t work with my math class being lecture 26.

A: Will lecture 7 work?

I: I’ll have to get a different English class. Get lecture 7!

A: How’s chem?

I: 50 seats, I’m working on it.

A: There’s an English class at 7:30 on Mondays and Wednesdays.

I: No! I can’t deal with that! My chem lab goes until 4pm on Wednesday. I’ll be at school too long.

A: Okay what about 9am?

I: Darn I’ll have four classes all in a row, but it will have to work.

A: Aye, Aye.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

So, we’re registered.

English 104h - Honor’s Composition
Individuals and Societies 101 - Structure of Mind and Behavior
Art 101 - Drawing
Art 102 - Color and Design
Art 104 - 3-Dimensional Design

I am no longer a Journalism major.

A couple weeks ago I was looking over the classes that I would be taking for journalism, and I realized that the only classes that interested me were Photojournalism and Advanced Photojournalism. Ethics and Law? Boooooring! I mean, I’ve only heard good things about the J-school here at UofA, and being a journalist really does interest me, but I believe that the classes you take in college should be interesting as well. I realized that the only thing keeping me in the journalism department was the photography classes.

Next I had to answer some questions:

1. What would I major in that would give me a good job with security as well as something that interested me?
2. How would I be able to take photography classes?
3. What do I want to be when I grow up?

Despite the fact that all the people I know tell me I’m a scientist at heart, I don’t want to deal with a science major. I don’t want to take chemistry classes, I don’t like physics, I’m horrible at math. That left some type of liberal arts degree.

Communications?
- Ehh….. no thanks

Psychology?
- I think someone told me that was the most popular major at UofA. On top of wanting to stand out from the crowd, I don’t know if I want to be a doctor in anything, and anything short of that wouldn’t give me the career that I want.

Art?
- The poor starving artist isn’t an over-used stereotype for nothing. Also, I suck at drawing.

Art History?
- I don’t want to work in a museum until I’m at least 75.

History?
- I hate memorizing. What would I do with that degree anyways? Be a high school history teacher? No thanks.

English?
- That might work out. I just never thought that I’d major in English before. Never once did I think of that.

I looked within the English department for different options. The department offers B.A.s in English, English Education, and Creative Writing. So I changed my major to Creative Writing. More specifically, creative non-fiction. The difference between and English major and a Creative Writing major is that with Creative Writing there are a few less literature classes and a few more “producing an original work” classes. Go see for yourself.

My new advisor told me that a lot of journalism students switch over to creative writing. I went non-fiction (instead of fiction or poetry) because I would still like to work in the media field, kind of. I’d really like to be a book editor or a columnist, or maybe even one of those people who help to compile literary journals.

I was still left with the question of the photography classes. The art department offers a lot of photography classes, but they’re stingy with who they allow in. I met with some people from the art department and asked them, “How can I take photography classes and make that into a minor?” They told me about the Studio Art minor. Basically, you take any 6 art classes that you want and call it a minor. The minor fills up really quickly because it’s “easy” but since I have a purpose and theme, they let me in.

I went home and made a 4-year plan. That’s a misleading name, because for me it turned into a 3-year plan. Taking only 15 credits per semester, and none in the summer, I’ll be able to graduate in 3 years. I will be 20.

The other change in my life? I was promoted to Photo Chief at the magazine that I work at.

In the Trojan (the condom makers) Sexual Health Report Card, UofA ranks 31 out of 139 universities in the U.S.

Researchers polled student health centers and reviewed their websites
to assign a grade point average (GPA) for sexual health resources across 11 separate categories:
– Sexual health awareness programs
– Condom & contraception availability
– HIV testing
– Other Sexually Transmitted Infection (STI) testing
– Student health center hours of operation
– Drop-in vs. appointment-based service
– Navigability and usability of Web-based sexual health information
– Anonymous advice / newspaper columns
– Lecture outreach programs
– Student peer groups
– Sexual assault programs

Here are the highest and lowest ranked schools:

1. University of Minnesota (GPA 3.91)
2. University of Wyoming (GPA 3.91)
3. University of Washington (GPA 3.73)
4. Rutgers University (GPA 3.68)
5. Purdue University (GPA 3.64)

135. Villanova University (GPA 1.45)
136. University of Arkansas (GPA 1.36)
137. Arkansas State University (GPA 1.14)
138. University of Louisiana (GPA 0.91)
139. Louisiana Tech University (GPA 0.82)

UofA tied USC (among others) with a GPA of 3.18. Some notable schools that UofA beat out are:
– Princeton (3.14)
– Northwestern (3.09)
– Stanford (3.09)
– UC Berkeley (3.09)
– Cornell (2.91)
– UCLA (2.64 but didn’t we all see that one coming?)
– ASU (2.55)
– Georgetown (2.09)
– Brigham Young (1.91 but I guess they don’t need sexual health services anyways)

To see the full list, and read more about the ranking system, go here.

1. Go as a press person with a big camera lens.

2. Dress impartially (i.e. don’t wear red).

3. Find the media room.

4. Be sent to the media will-call booth.

5. Be denied media access, but be sure to get a hint of where to go to gain access.

6. Find a sympathetic gay man in charge of ticket sales.

7. Explain plight to sympathetic gay man in charge of ticket sales.

8. Wait patiently until sympathetic gay man in charge of ticket sales appears with front-row ticket in hand.

9. Thank sympathetic gay man in charge of ticket sales and use the phrase “You’re fabulous!”

10. Enter stadium unquestioned.